5 Things I Love About Fall (And 3 Things I Hate)

It's almost that time of year again- Autumn. I freaking love Fall. It's honestly my favorite time of year, and for me, there are so many things to love.

And a few I'm not fond of.

So, let's just jump right into this, and these are in no particular order.

5 Things I Love About Fall

1. Two Words- Pumpkin Spice. I don't care if it's pumpkin spice scented candles, pumpkin spice coffee or pumpkin spice muffins- yes, please... to all the things. I'm really heartbroken to have found out this year that Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte has neither pumpkin nor spice in it- just squirts of chemicals that taste like pumpkin and spice. I'm not down with that, so I'll just have to make my own at home this year. Seriously can not wait!

2. HALLOWEEN!!! If you've been following Inklings' facebook page, you'll know that my family is going all out for Halloween this year; we're converting our garage into a mini walk through for the trick-or-treaters. The theme? CarnEvil. Yeah, an evil circus. I'm stoked. The kids are scared. My best friend here is threatening to not even come, she hates evil clowns so much. I started buying items for it last week (yes, in August- I told you I get excited), including a clown that pops up when you walk by it and a two headed Cabbage Patch Kid I'm using in the freak sideshow. Am I going overboard? There's a good chance that yes, I am. Seriously hoping I don't make a kid pee their pants, but then again... Yeah, I'm bad...

3. The Feeling Outside. Even here in hot ass Arizona, some nights get a nice chill to the air. I love hoodie weather, and the fall is the beginning of that.

4. The Smell. Yep, yep- the smell. I LOVE the smell of fall. I mentioned pumpkin spice above, but that's not all of it. There's a smell of wood burning in the air from fireplaces, wood burning stoves and bonfires; the

13 MORE Songs My Parents Probably Shouldn't Have Let Me Listen to as a Kid (and 1 That Turned Out to be Okay)

A few months ago, I decided to analyze the music I listened to as an adult, which made me think back to what I listened to when I was a kid. The result ended up being the post 13 Songs My Parents Probably Shouldn't Have Let Me Listen to as a Kid, and y'all loved it.

So that means it's time for round #2! If you haven't read the original 13 songs, head back and catch up, so you don't think I'm skipping any important ones. And if you have more, add them in the comments section below!

Sit back, put your hair in a side ponytail, grab some Surge or Clear Pepsi (if only they still existed) and enjoy the trip down Memory Lane! (And I apologize now for the fact that most of the videos don't actually play on my site. Apparently they now make you watch the video on youtube, so if you want to listen to them, it will pop open another screen so you don't lose your place here.)

1. Slide- Goo Goo Dolls

What? Why shouldn't my parents have let me listen to a romantic, mellow song about a guy professing his love to a girl by telling her "I want to wake up where you are." How sweet, right? WRONG! I just recently found out that this song is about abortion. Yep. And the Goo Goo Dolls confirmed it on VH1 Storytellers once. "Don't you love the life you killed? The priest is on the phone, Your father hit the wall, Your ma disowned you," refers to a girl finding out she's pregnant, has an abortion, and the guy in the song is telling her they should run away and get married. Holy crap, right? 33 years old I find out this information. Mind. Blown.


2. I'll Make Love to You- Boyz II Men

Yes, the title of the song says it all, and should have been a huge red flag to parents of 90s kids everywhere. Even when my mom told me the song was inappropriate, guess where I heard it? How about a 6th grade dance? Yeah, that's how this song made the list alright. Lights turned low in the local community center (Saturday dance once a month- hell yeah), girls on one side of the room, boys on the other, and that song started playing. Your little 6th grade heart started to beat fast when you saw those brace-faced boys start to walk over to the girls' side, and couples started pairing off on the dance floor, hands on shoulders and hips, enough room between the two of you to fit a whole other person. Slow dancing in a circle, while "Pour the wine, Light the fire, Girl your wish is my command, I submit to your demands, I'll do anything, Girl you need only ask" is playing in our virginal ears. Hell, I guess I should be thankful they were talking about sweet, sensual lovemaking, instead of fucking in the back of the club like today's music.


3. Jeremy- Pearl Jam

5 Social Media Culprits that Kill My Christmas Spirit

Normally, I'm not a Bah Humbug type of person. I'm a cheery, Ho Ho Ho, Merry Christmas, tinsel shooting out of my ass type of person this time of year, with the occasional, "Oh HELL no, where's the damn egg nog? They can NOT be sold out!"

Social media has killed me this year. I feel that part of my Christmas Spirit has been strangled, hung upside down and left for dead. Where I used to take pleasure in updating a facebook status, or checking out some tweets, I now find myself slamming my computer and pacing the floor just to calm down.

Let's break down some of the Christmas-Spirit-killing culprits that I'm sure you've seen on your social media sites this year...

1. 'Tis the season to donate to this charity (picture of an emaciated kid) or this charity (picture of a half dead dog) or what about this charity (picture of a child with a black eye). Yes. 'Tis the season for donating to charity, but must you post the most explicit pictures you possibly can in hopes of getting my money? Good grief, I'm scrolling through my news feed, hearing Sarah McLachlan's "Angel" in the back of my head, tears forming, thinking, "Damn, I just wanted to see if so-and-so posted their family pictures yet, but now I feel like a piece of crap for not giving over all of our money to help save the platypus." 

2. I'm broke. Hint hint. So broke. I'm so broke. Hint hint. Broke. We got it. You're broke. And you want people to send you presents or money. We're pretty much all broke nowadays, but you aren't broke enough that you don't have internet access and/or a smart phone with unlimited data to update your status 5,496 times a day telling everyone you are broke.

3. I'm so thankful right now. This organization/charity/company just dropped off presents and food for my family because we couldn't afford stuff this year. Oh, and look at this $500 television I'm getting ready to buy my husband. Wait. Hold up. You couldn't afford presents and food for your kids,

Rock This Parenting Thing Book Blitz & Giveaway- 6 Winners in All!

Ever wonder if you are the only one going through crazy stuff when it comes to parenting?

We have 6 authors here who assure you that you are not alone.

Welcome to the Rock This Parenting Thing Book Blitz, showcasing 6 of the hottest humor parenting books from 6 authors who have been there, done that, and gotten the freaking T-shirt wrote the book about it!

This book blitz features 6 authors, tells about them, their books, their blogs, and gives you a taste of their parenting humor with an Author Interview for each. Then, once you get through all of that, you can enter to win a copy of your favorite book listed here! There will be 6 winners in all for the giveaway (many of the prizes are SIGNED copies of the books), so definitely check that out!

Grab a cup of coffee (or glass of wine), sit back and enjoy the Rock This Parenting Thing Book Blitz! Each author is showcasing this post today, so be sure to hit them up and show some love!!

Tatted Mom's Guide to NOT Screwing Up Your Kids by Morgan Moss, from The Inklings of Life

8 "Mom Dictionary" Terms You Should Start Using

In this world of political correctness (and especially in the world of mom blogging), apparently there are things it's okay to say, and things you should never say, as a mom.

Like calling your kids little assholes. Apparently, that's a huge no-no in society today.

Even if your kids are being little assholes, you can't call them like you see them. One wrong person hears, and you have child protective services knocking at your door, wondering why you called your kids little assholes (and the correct answer isn't, "Because they were being little assholes"- and for the record, no, this didn't happen to me, but I've seen it happen to quite a few other mom bloggers I read).

So, I received that memo. Don't call my kids assholes in public. Gotcha.

Instead, I'll call them gooberheads. It works for us, and I don't get strange stares when I'm out somewhere, my kid tries to trip me up on purpose, and I yell out, "Cut that out, you little gooberhead." Much better than the alternative, right?

That got me to thinking about other words moms use to describe their kids, or to call their kids, or for parenting situations, that are more politically correct than the words we want to use at that moment.

I'll give the word or phrase, how it's used in a sentence, and what we moms really mean when we use it.

Difficult- "The kids have been a bit difficult today." Bat-shit crazy. The kids have been bouncing off every single wall, trying to kill each other, and trying to kill me. At one point during a difficult day, duct tape is considered either as a means of restraint, or to try and permanently house yourself in the closet.

Doesn't Make the Best Decisions- "I've noticed that sometimes, my kid doesn't make the best decisions when it comes to things she does." Does stupid fucking shit. Why did my kid just decide to purposefully walk into a glass door? To get laughs from her brother. And because she does stupid fucking shit. Why does my son insist on willingly taking his Legos outside, knowing the rule we have against it, which

13 Songs My Parents Probably Shouldn't Have Let Me Listen To As a Kid

I was driving in my car yesterday, and the song "Dead Bite" by Hollywood Undead came on the radio. I adore this song. It's catchy, the beat is awesome, and I'm constantly finding myself singing, "Good night, sleep tight, Don't let the dead bite." That's when Hubby informed me that the song is about one guy hunting down and killing another guy, and possibly mass murdering many others. Dammit, I liked that song. No more playing it around the kids, that's for sure.

That got me thinking about songs that I listened to growing up that maybe my parents shouldn't have allowed, if they knew the lyrics. My research turned up some beauties, Inklingers. I'm about to take you on a trip down Memory Lane, back to your middle school dances and driving around in your parent's car on the weekends. Sing along, but make sure you actually take a look at some of the lyrics I'm posting- it will make your jaw drop to the floor.

These are in random order, of course, and I've included the videos (or close enough to the videos) to refresh your memories. Enjoy!

1. Semi-Charmed Life- Third Eye Blind

Ah, it's starting in your head already, isn't it? "Doo doo doo, doo doo-doo doo... I'm packed and I'm holding..." That first part should have done the song in, but no. It goes on to talk about cocaine ("I was taking sips of it through my nose"), sex ("She comes round and she goes down on me" and "How do I get back to the place where I fell asleep inside you") and comes right out and says, "Doin' crystal meth will lift you up until you break." I love this song, too- even saw them in concert when Hubby and I were still dating. Classic song that now, as a mom, I refuse to let my kids listen to. Ahh, the joys of teenagehood in the 90s.

2. Push It- Salt n' Pepa

I'm not even bringing up the obvious Salt n' Pepa song from the 90s, "Let's Talk About Sex"- that's on everyone's list of questionable songs. I'm going for "Push It". Not much to the song at all, lyrically speaking, but then you get to, "Better make it fast or else I'm gonna get pissed, Can't you hear the music's pumpin' hard, Like I wish you would, Now push it, Push it real good." I remember what I told my parents- they were talking about dancing on the dancefloor, duh. Play dumb. It always works. It's better than trying to explain to your parents that you know exactly what the song's talking about, right?

3. OPP- Naughty By Nature

8 Tips for Surviving Vacation

Ahh, vacation. Time off from the routine of life, off of work for some of us, and time to relax and visit a place you either love or have never ventured to before. We just returned from our vacation to Sedona, AZ and the Grand Canyon (pictures will be up later this week). Hubby's mom and aunt came from the east coast for a week, and we rented a huge car for all 6 of us, plus the puppy, to fit into comfortably and hit the road.

Our vacation was amazing, very enlightening for me, and went pretty smoothly. Yep, you read that right. 6 people, comprised of 4 adults, 1 tween and 1 very-opinionated 8 year old, plus a puppy, and the vacation went off without a hitch. Sure, we hit some speed bumps along the way, but our pretty relaxing vacation inspired me to pass on our success tips to everyone.

1. Add an hour to everything. 4 hour road trip to your destination? Add at least an extra hour into your time calculations. Shopping for a few hours before dinner? Move dinner back an hour. Things come up, people want to explore more, bathroom breaks are needed, so I wouldn't follow an extremely strict schedule when on vacation. The only time you can count on 3 hours being 3 hours, is when you are taking a guided tour. Those guys give you exactly what you pay for, and not a second over it.

2. Remember that, while you may not have to pee, there are others who probably do. Statistically speaking, you have a better chance of photographing a live unicorn on your vacation than getting every member of your party to pee on the exact same schedule, especially when your party consists of coffee drinkers, lemonade drinkers, and members who start their day with a coffee and a redbull. So, while the last rest stop was only 45 minutes ago, and you are approaching another one, ask the crowd.

3. Unplug. Yes, friends and family on facebook would LOVE to see that picture of the Grand Canyon as soon as you take it, but would it really matter if you uploaded it when you got back to the hotel that night? Nope, it doesn't. Unplug yourself, and your kids, to get the most of your vacation. Instead of having them play video games or watch a movie during the drive, play old-fashioned road trip games with them, like "I Spy" or the License Plate game. The Girl copped a major attitude about halfway through our vacation, and lost her phone for the duration of the trip as punishment. While the initial bad mood it put her in put a slight

Hott Hollywood Role Model Ladies

Thanks to that amazing Friends episode over 15 years ago (good grief, that long ago?), we all have The List. Not a to-do list, or a grocery list, but a list of 5 (or 10 or however many you and your significant other agree upon) celebrities that, if given the chance, you are allowed to sleep with, as a "freebie". Yep, that list.

My list has changed so many times over the years that there is no way I could laminate mine like Ross did. One constant has always been Ryan Gosling. Seriously, that guy's eyes could melt right through... (sigh) I digress. Other top contenders have been Ryan Reynolds, Johnny Depp, Adam Levine, and Channing Tatum- you know, the "regular" Hollywood Hotties. I noticed a slight shift in my list when I recently added Jason Bateman to it. Adorable, yes, but his personality is what caused him to make the list. That man just seems down to earth and someone I'd love to... hang out with. Yeah, that. Robert Downey Jr, too. Amazing... um... personality. (Sigh)

I've always had a second list (which my husband loves), and that's my Chick Crush list. These ladies don't get grouped onto the list with the men, but if I were ever given the chance... good grief. Now, for the record, I will state that Katy Perry would be very disappointed to know that I've never even kissed a girl, so while I'm not rolling around in lesbian tendencies over here, I highly respect these women and, let's face it, they are hot as hell. Alyssa Milano, Eliza Dushku and Carla Gugino have always been on my list, for as far back as I can remember. After watching The House at the End of the Street, Elisabeth Shue made it onto my list, and after Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters, Famke Janssen made the list. And while I'm a HUGE fan of Charmed (the ONLY TV series I own every season of AND have watched it from beginning to end... twice), it wasn't until Pretty Little Liars that Holly Marie Combs made my list.

Yes, I understand that's 6 on my "other" list right now. If I had to remove someone, to make it an acceptable list of 5 female celebrities, it would be Eliza Dushku, because she hasn't been around much lately. Anyway...

I started to really look at my list of ladies, wondering why I had only 3 on the list for years, and now I've added 3 more, 1 of which (Holly Marie Combs) was on a TV show alongside my #1 (Alyssa Milano), and I never included her before. Elisabeth Shue is the star of one of my favorite movies growing up, Adventures in Babysitting, but she's never made the list until now, and while Famke Janssen was hot in The Faculty, I watched that movie for Josh Hartnett (and Elijah Wood's beautiful baby blues), not for her. So, why now? What makes things different now than even a few years ago?

These women have aged beautifully.

I looked back at pictures of Holly Marie Combs, Elisabeth Shue and Famke Janssen, and while they have always been beautiful ladies, it's just been in the last few years that, to me, they've become hott (with 2 T's, yes). The late 30s and 40s have been amazing for these ladies. So much so, in my opinion, that they made my Chick Crush list- not their 20-something selves, their now selves.

I must give special recognition to Alyssa Milano and Holly Marie Combs in this post, too. While in Charmed

10 Things that 12 Years of Motherhood Has Taught Me

With another Mother's Day under our belts, I want to share with you all some of the wisdom I've acquired over the last 12 years of being a mom.

1. Girls are awesome when they are younger. Then they turn into hormonal pubescent witches on brooms as they age. On the flip side, boys are nothing but mud pies, smelly underwear and fits of outrage when a lego building collapses when they are younger, and as they get older, they become less of a chaotic migraine.

2. Ramen is an acceptable meal at any time of day.

3. Laundry is always handed to you at 10pm on Sunday night with pleas of "But I have NOTHING to wear to school tomorrow."

4. It is our job, as parents, to teach our kids "Jingle Bells, Batman smells, Robin layed an egg, The Bat Mobile lost a wheel and Joker got away, " as kids nowadays are not taught that in schools by their peers during the holiday season.

5. Rock still beats scissors, Scissors still beats paper, Paper still beats rock, but now there's a bomb that blows up everything... or my kids cheat at rock, paper, scissors. That could be it...

10 Mom Super Powers

As soon as we become mothers, we suddenly develop an array of super powers that only moms have. 

I paired with Where Have All The Grownups Gone? to create this infographic for y'all. She had a post earlier this week about the super powers she developed as a mom. Great list!!

Be sure to share this picture (easy Pinterest, facebook and twitter buttons below post) with other moms you know, and add your own Mom Super Powers in the comments below the post!!

If you enjoy Inklings, please take a second to just click the banner below. Each click = 1 vote, and you can vote once per 24 hours. I do happy dances when people vote!

13 Things You'll Find in the Bottom of a Mom's Purse

I don't know about y'all, but I dread the days when I have to clean out my purse. I never know what I'm going to find in the bottom...

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13 Things I Don't Understand About My Kids

1. 2 words: Gangnam Style.

2. Their inability to immediately accept 80s movies as gospel. I have to make them watch classics such as Ferris Bueller's Day Off  and Adventures in Babysitting, and once they do, they talk about how much they enjoyed them, but getting them to actually watch them is like pulling teeth.

3. Seriously, it's not rocket science...

The toilet paper roll in the kids' bathroom.

4. The Ginger eats apples, sausage and rice, but when I make an amazing dinner that everyone else enjoys that mixes these 3 ingredients together, it's all of a sudden disgusting.

5. The Girl can remember what she wore last Tuesday to school, her best friend's pet hamster's name and the exact date that she bought her favorite pair of earrings, but can't seem to remember to scoop out the litter box each day or even pick her towel up off of the bathroom floor.

6. Their fascination with that youtube crap of a sensation, Fred. Seriously, that guy is annoying as hell, and

10 Tips for Writing a Humor Mom Blog

So now that the Top 25 Funny Moms contest is done and over with (Inklings made it to #92, which, considering there was something like 240 blogs this year vs. the 140 from last year, we did pretty good), I have a few things I need to say about the whole Humor Mom Blog genre.

I know y'all want me to, but I'm not naming names. Sorry, can't do it. I'm here to anonymously vent, not to start another Mom Blog War. These are my opinions, and my opinions alone, so if you happen upon this post and think you are one of the bloggers below- don't hate; it's just my opinion, and I'm one single mom blogger.

If you are a mom who is thinking of starting a blog, and are thinking of having it be a humor blog, there are a few things to keep in mind when making this decision. And yes, I do call myself an expert in this field. I have been doing this for 3 years now, and while I don't have the largest following in the history of blogging, the people who find my blog stick with my blog, so I have 3 years of continuous growth and loyalty: i.e. I'm not the newest craze that people won't remember next month and I will be around at this time next year! So, heed my words of advice on humor blogging; I know my shit.

10 Tips for Writing a Humor Mom Blog

• If you have 1 child that is less than 1 year old, you can, by absolutely no means whatsoever, say that you are an "expert" on funny parenting. You haven't even gotten to the funny parenting stages yet. You're still in the cute baby faces and poopy diapers stage. Wait until you are potty training your child and they pee in the trash can directly next to the toilet. Wait until your child runs into the room when you tell him to go get into the bath and yells, How about I just go brush my nuts? Wait until your entire morning is centered around a chaotic mess of french braiding and listening to Lego Ninjago stories and bickering about cheese vs. no cheese on sandwiches and Mom, he's looking at me wrong and all you want to do is walk outside in your pajamas, in front of your kids' friends and embarrass the hell out of them. After you have hit these stages, then come talk to me about being an expert on funny parenting.
• Writing about poop and pee every single day, and how your children talk about poop and pee every single day, does not make you a humor mom blogger.
• If your blog has nothing to do about your family or your children, you are NOT a Mom Blog. You

17 First World Problems for Moms

PLEASE tell me you have heard of First World Problems. In a nutshell, they are the "problems" that we privileged people bitch about- and by privileged, I'm not necessarily talking the people who make more than 6 figures a year and have a maid. Privileged is meant more to describe the fact that we don't drink the same water that cows bathe in, don't really have to worry that our whole family will die from a mosquito bite, and we somewhat know where our next meal is coming from- things people in second and third world countries have to worry about.

Scour the web, and you will find some funny shit when it comes to First World Problems. In my search, though, I found 0 First World Problems for Moms. No lists catered directly to problems that we mothers face in this day and age... in a first world country.

Allow me to do the honors, then...

17 First World Problems for Moms

1. After starting my lid-locked HE washing machine, I turned around to find one single children's sock on the floor that dropped out of the basket when I loaded everything in, and now the washer is full of water and won't open.

2. My baby threw up on all of the bibs that matched her outfit while we were out in public, and all I had in the diaper bag is a bib that doesn't match.

3. The grocery store was out of the toothbrushes that I had extreme couponed down to free.

4. My kids got grounded and I had to take away their video games, MP3 player, internet access, telephone, TV and DVD player in their room so they could fully feel their punishment.

5. I have to worry about the sex, nudity, language and adult situations my kids may see presented on the Disney Channel or Nickelodeon more than in the outside world.

6. I'm trying to help my kids with their homework, but the internet is down right now so I can't google the answers.

7. I don't feel like cooking dinner tonight, but I have to get into my car and drive to the closest fast food

The Best and Worst Celebrity Baby Names

I have seriously wondered over the years if the momentary Mom Insanity we suffer in the panic after the birth of our children has gone deeper with some celebrities when their children are born. I understand they are celebrities, but their children are still children- so why give them these absolutely ridiculous names to have all of their lives?

The folks at EverydayFamily sent me this infographic, and I couldn't stop laughing (and rolling my eyes, and my jaw kept dropping open). It's great! A huge thanks to them for sending it to me (head to their site to sign up for a FREE account with them to get access to great parenting articles).


Brought to by EverydayFamily.com, provides expert advice and informative articles on everything from pregnancy symptoms to baby milestones and beyond.


If you enjoy Inklings, please take a second to just click the banner below. Each click = 1 vote, and you can vote once per 24 hours. I do happy dances when people vote!

10 Do-it-All Mom Tricks I Keep Up My Sleeve

A few days ago I did a fun blog game post, I Play Well With Others... See? One of the questions I
answered really got me thinking. M's question #6 was "How do you do it all?" My answer was simple; sleep deprivation and lots of coffee. But, is it really that simple?

Heck no, it's not.

I'm definitely no Super Mom. I strive to be (I've posted several times about my deep desire to be Super Mom and how unrealistic those goals many of us moms set on ourselves), and while I won't say that I fall short, I will say that I do the best I can, and so far I think I'm doing well. My kids aren't in juvenile detention centers or hooked on crack, so I count that as a win.

I will say though, that I've found I do a lot more than many moms do.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Before you busy moms go off on me, let me clarify. I am in no way saying that other moms aren't busy, or they don't do it all and that I do. I currently live in a posh area. I live in the apartments of a posh area, but still in a richy section, nonetheless. Most of the moms of kids at my kids' school don't have to work, and they spend their days getting manicures, pedicures, doing some grocery shopping and maybe straighten the house before the house keeper shows up. So, based on what is currently around me, I'm a damn busy mom, and do a heck of a lot more than these ladies do.

Now that we've cleared that all up, let's continue.

I am currently a working mom, though in 2 more weeks I will be a stay at home mom again. I can't wait. Even when I'm a stay at home mom, I'm still busy as all get out, because it's not in my nature to be lazy. The house is clean, the kids and I do crafts, we bake, I make nutritious dinners, laundry is kept up with, etc. Keep in mind I have a 10 year old and a 7 year old; if they were younger, it would be more difficult to keep on top of everything.

Being a working mom with a Hubby 2000 miles away and living with a sister who works, too, is rough. There are many days I have to do it all, and it just happens to be those days that there's a butt load of stuff to do (never works out any other way, does it?) So, it's these days that I wonder. I wonder how in the heck I did everything, and if there are any tips I can share with readers to help them, too.

I may just have a do-it-all trick or two, or 10, up my sleeve.

1. Multitask As Much As Possible. Don't go the extent of sending emails while driving, but if you can put two things together, then do it. Take my yesterday morning, for example. The cat had to be dropped off at 8 to be spayed, the kids had to be at school at 9, and my sister had a meeting to go to at 9. I got the kids up early, made sure they were dressed, and we dropped the cat off. I needed a few things from the grocery store, so we stopped at the grocery store next to the spay place, that has a cafe in it, and the kids got a nutritious breakfast while I picked up our few groceries. Headed home, got the kids to school (yes, they were a little late), got ready and headed to work myself. Not a perfect morning, but it beat heading to a fast food place for breakfast and trying to fit the grocery shopping into somewhere else in my busy day. 
2. Spirulina and a Multi-Vitamin. I was told about spirulina years ago when I was in college and a newlywed, by a naturopathologist who was giving me ways to get my nutrients and boost my energy. It's an algae compound full of nutrients, vitamins, amino acids and more. I took it all the time, and I was never tired. I discontinued it when I got pregnant and breastfed my daughter, just

5 Promises for Inklings

Every once in a while, we need a reminder of who we are, what we are supposed to be doing, and where we wanted to go when we started our journey. Lately, I've been in much need of that reminder. Not with my home life, or with the move, or even with the life-altering decision for Hubby and I to get back together... those are all easy for me at this moment. I needed a reminder about why I write; why I started Inklings in the first place.

So I figured the easiest way to do that was to go back to my very first post. I could post the link here, or, I can just post the whole thing here- it was 3 paragraphs long:

Chaos 101
"No one's life is perfect. Everyone on earth is searching for happiness, or for their place in this world. I'm no different. The past few years of my life have been spent in the pursuit of happiness, sometimes at the cost of those around me. I woke up one morning and said 'No more'. My life was the very definition of 'crazy', and 'stable' was no where in my vocabulary. So, I made changes, and to this day, I'm doing the only thing I know to do- try my best.


This blog is an outlet for me. No so much to vent or whine about what's not going right in my life. It's more to focus on the little things that make life meaningful, and to share those things with whoever ventures to my blog. Some days I will post about deep thought-provoking ideas or practices, and others about a funny link or interesting movie I saw, and other times a recipe or new home-making idea I've come across. That's life- random, chaotic, and you never know what will be waiting for you around the corner.


I can't promise to change the world with my blog, or to inspire life changes (hell, I'm still figuring out my life). I can promise entertainment, personality, some helpful hints or tips every now and then, spontaneity, and not the average 'pictures of my kids eating spaghetti, aren't they so cute?' type of blog (I'm not one for deep sharing of my personal life to the general masses). So, sit back, enjoy the ride, subscribe if you would like, and comment if something strikes you!"


I started Inklings on October 12, 2010. I started as a stay at home mom in Arizona, who, after having my world fall apart, moved my kids 2000 miles with me back to the east coast, did the single mom thing for a while, had my world fall apart, again, and even more quickly this time because of a douchebag, moved 400 miles north to where family was, did the single mom thing for a while (after having sworn off men altogether), and once I finally cleared my head and got back to who I was, and figured out what I wanted, began reconciling with Hubby, which has led me to an upcoming move back the 2000 miles to Arizona.

Good grief. It sucks to lay it all out like that.

Through it all, though, I wrote. Well, I went MIA from the blogosphere for the greater part of the time I was with the douchebag, but that's because of lack of internet access. As soon as I moved back home with family, I picked Inklings back up immediately... and basically had to start all over again, building a reader base and trying to figure out what direction I wanted to take.

I think for the most part I've stayed true to why I first started Inklings. I promised:

• Entertainment: I'd say teaching my readers the phrase 'sand in the vagina' counts as entertainment, or, telling stories about how I cussed out a bird. And, we can't forget the new vlog, where y'all get to see how random I am.

Man Philosophy: Top 10 Woman Shows

Another installment of Man Philosophy, and now y'all know that I married a smart ass! For the newbies to the site, we've had the intro Man Philosophy post and the cooking post, and don't forget about the Man Philosophy merch stuffs. Enjoy! ~Tatted Mom

Wait, I might have grabbed the wrong clip
art for this article... Oh, well. ~Tatted Mom
Courtesy of sheknows.com

Hello all, it's Hubby. I've been asked for weeks to write a new blog for Tatted Mom. The problem is, I haven't been inspired to write about anything in particular. So, I'm sitting here watching tv and wishing I was with the wife. Now, I'm inspired. It occured to me that guys out there need a list of tv shows that all women love that they can happily watch together for that all important "quality time". This list is in no particular order so please enjoy.

Note: Some of these shows aren't on tv anymore but are easy to download or catch on netflix.

Top 10 Man Woman Shows

1. Sopranos: This show is a classic in most wives circles. I have not idea why, but men, your women love this show. It must be the mafia, sex, and violence of it all. She'll always love cuddling on the couch to see Tony whack some wannabe wiseguy. 
2. Spartacus: You'll notice on this list that most women love violence, blood, and insane amounts of nudity. As men, even though we don't like it, we have to try to sit through this filth to make our women happy. This show set in ancient Rome is surprisingly accurate considering all of the over the top gore. That's why I am able to sit through this when my wife wants to watch it...for the historical aspect. Be warned men, you'll have to turn away when the graphic nudity happens.  
3. A-Team: Sometimes women like to go old school. It seems mindless to us men but women love watching a completely unbelievable group of Vietnam vets turned mercenaries. I'd rather read a good romance novel while my wife wants to catch a rerun of this show but, I'll put romance off for her.  

17 Things I'd Do If I Were President

I don't get into politics much at all- not in conversation, not in my blog, not in my life. Sure, there are things I stand for, and things I oppose, but they are my things, that I generally keep to myself. My post today is not necessarily a political one. It is, like most of my other posts, a humorous one. So, enjoy, and feel free to add your own to the bottom as a comment, and share with your friends on facebook or via email (there are links for both of that) if you have the same views I do!

These are in random order, by the way, and I know now that I'm taking a huge risk with some of these. I'll either gain some mad respect, or lose some of my following. Fingers crossed for the mad respect...

17 Things I'd Do If I Were President

1. We would have a nationwide mandatory nap time from 2pm-3pm every day. 


2. Stay-at-home moms would get paid by the government for their job. Not like welfare, but a legitimate paycheck. They would get raises if their kids are doing well in school, kept healthy, and well-adjusted, and get pay cuts if their kids take a gun to school, or do drugs, or are not a functioning, positive member of society. Yes, drug tests will be held for the stay-at-home moms, too, and anyone failing the hardcore drugs will be fired immediately from their position.


3. Women's clothing sizes below size 6 will be dropped from all clothing lines. Size 11/12 will be the new 'skinny'. If you want to have a size 0 ass, then you'll have to pay the government to have an 'I don't eat on a regular basis' card to buy special clothes.


4. Teachers would be given raises, and funding put back into the schools for art, music, theater, wood shop, etc. These are the courses where children find their callings, where personalities are formed, and yet they are the first to be cut from schools when money gets tight.


5. Coffee and cheesecake would be given complimentary at the end of every meal at a restaurant, like the rolls at the beginning of the meal. Just a small piece of cake so you still have the option to buy a bigger one.

8 Things an 'Old Mom' Does During Her Kid Free Weekend

My kids have been gone for going on 2 days now. My brother in law came and picked them up Thursday afternoon, after school, and I don't go to pick them up until this afternoon.

It's been amazing.

I love my kids, please don't misunderstand that. But, as every mom out there knows, sometimes we just need a break!

Since I moved here in September, I have had 4 weekends without the kids, including this one. During the last one, Hubby took me to an amazing hotel and we had dinner at The Melting Pot. The time before that I went to the Native American sweat lodge, and the time before that, well, let's just say I had hit an extreme bump in my road, reality had finally set in, and I spent the weekend in an empty apartment with vodka to accompany me... at least, that's what I remember of that weekend (there was a blog post written that weekend. It has since been deleted. I didn't want the evidence. Sorry.)

So, when I thought about not having the kids for a few days, I got so excited. Oh, the possibilities. I could sleep in, I could go see an adult movie in theaters (well, not an adult movie, but y'all get what I'm saying), I could watch whatever food documentaries on TV I wanted to without hearing them complain, I could heavily drink... ahh, yes, endless possibilities.

Here's a list of what I actually did while the kids were gone... Man, I've gotten old.

8 Things an 'Old Mom' Does During Her Kid Free Weekend

1. Go pantsless. I would have walked around my apartment naked, but my sister is here, so that's a no-go. But, I did walk around in a T-shirt and underwear, no PJ pants, which, if the kids were here, I'd hear, 'Gross, Mom, go put on some pants, please. Eww, Mom's not wearing pants.' Do I do it anyway when the kids are here? Yep, sure do, and I'll do stupid dances in my underwear just to put the icing on the cake. But, I didn't hear any of that this weekend while I walked around in my scivvies. It was nice.
2. Go on a Date. I went to dinner and a movie with my sister. Did we have to see a PG movie? Nope. We saw 'What to Expect When You're Expecting'. Amazing movie, by the way, that I would not have taken the kids to. It's not in our range of inappropriate for the kids to watch, but not something I would take them to the theaters to see. And, my sis and I ate at Red Lobster- way too expensive if we have the kids with us. I ate my seafood stuffed shrimp in void of 'stop kicking me' or 'Mom, can I have a bite of yours?' Ahh, bliss.
3. Be Obnoxious in WalMart. After dinner and a movie, my sis and I decided to go shopping at WalMart without hearing, 'Mom can I have...' or 'How much longer until we leave?' It was peaceful, well, except for the fact it was WalMart. But, I decided to dance through the aisles singing, 'Afro Circus' from the Madagascar 3 trailer. To be completely honest, I would have done this even if the