A Virtual Book Tour For Me? How Awesome!

Alrighty, Inklingers, I have a virtual book tour coming up and I want you too come with me!!

What in the world is a virtual book tour? So glad you asked!!

Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday I will be featured on several websites, with spotlights, interviews and guest posts that you haven't seen here on my blog. The tour schedule is below, and if it says 'Spotlight', that's an excerpt from my book and a little about me. 'Guest Blogging' means I've written one of my spunky articles for that website, and is new material for you all to read. 'Interviewed' means they asked me some great questions, many things you didn't know about me before this book tour. 

So, each day, and each website, has some great Tatted Mom stuff. 

I'm excited.

They will also be running a giveaway for a free signed copy of my book, so be sure to enter that!

AND (as if it couldn't get any better), I've discounted the price of my book for the virtual book tour to just $9.99 for paperback and only $2.99 for the Kindle download!!! If you don't have a copy of my book, this is definitely the time to pick one up!!

I had a lot of fun writing for and being interviewed by these amazing websites, so please take some time each

Mother's Day #Giveaway!! Enter To #Win a Signed Copy of "Tatted Mom's Guide to NOT Screwing Up Your Kids"

Inklingers, y'all have seriously rocked this year, stuck by me and made me smile each day. So, as a thank you, I'm doing a Mother's Day Giveaway of 1 SIGNED copy of my book, "Tatted Mom's Guide to NOT Screwing Up Your Kids."

If you haven't gotten a copy of my book yet from Amazon (why??) here's your chance to win one, and if you already have a copy, this would make a great Mother's Day present for your favorite Mom Friend!!

You can enter to win below, but I'm also doing a super secret extra entry over on the facebook page, so be sure to head there and check out the pinned post on the top of the page for another way to win!! 

Good luck to all who enter, and thank you so much for your love and support!! ;)

a Rafflecopter giveaway
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Tatted Mom's Guide to NOT Screwing Up Your Kids is Now Available for Sale!!!

Over a year in the works, but today's the day!

Tatted Mom's Guide to NOT Screwing Up Your Kids: Colorful Parenting Tips from a Colorful Mother

is now available for sale!!

If you are a fan of Inklings, then you'll definitely love the book. With parenting tips on tackling the difficult situations that conventional child-rearing books don't tell you about, from birth up to the tween years, Tatted Mom's Guide to NOT Screwing Up Your Kids is sure to have something for everyone. There are also humor motherhood stories thrown in from not only my own journey, but from moms and dads around the US on their own journeys!

I want to thank everyone who has supported me, as a writer, and this blog. Without you all reading my work, and pushing me to figure out a way to organize all of the chaos in my head into a useful-yet-funny book to use to level out that wonky table of yours with the short leg read during your Mommy Time, this book wouldn't have been possible. Seeing my name on the front of a book- an actual book- is one of the greatest accomplishments I've had to date. It's an amazing feeling, thanks to you all.

The drawings on the front and back cover are indeed my own doodles. The pictures you see on the inside of

What's in a Book Title? Everything... aka Book Excerpt #2

I realized that I haven't done a book teaser in a while for you all. Then, I realized that I haven't even released the name of the book to the public yet.

Today, y'all are in for a treat. Not only do you get the back cover synopsis of the book, but you get the name, too.

Feels like Christmas, doesn't it? Y'all should know that if I'm releasing the name and the back synopsis, the book release is right around the corner. Now it definitely feels like Christmas to me.

Without further ado, here's what Tatted Mom's Guide to NOT Screwing Up Your Kids is all about...

Motherhood is chaotic: Some days are filled with unicorns and fairy dust, and some days the unicorn craps on your brand new rug and the fairies are flying around, crashing into walls. Mainstream parenting books help with the unicorn and fairy dust days, but what happens when your kid drops the f-bomb in a crowded grocery store?

That's where Tatted Mom's Guide to NOT Screwing Up Your Kids comes into play, tackling situations in motherhood that you were definitely not warned about. Think of this book as your manual to the parenting problems that leave you throwing your hands up in the air, wondering if you are the only mom who goes through this craziness, and has you hiding in the back of your closet with a bottle of moscato and a cheesecake (we've all been there).

Tatted Mom's Guide to NOT Screwing Up Your Kids includes:

My Dirty Laundry Parenting Philosophy

The Ginger came downstairs last night soaking wet and wrapped in a towel, just having finished his nightly shower. He stood at the end of the sofa until my candy crushing ways allowed for a pause to look up.

Picture from Grumpy Cat Pics

The Ginger: Do you see anything wrong with this picture?
Me: Yeah. You're getting water all over my floor.
The Ginger: Well, I don't have any underwear OR pants.
Me: Look in your drawer. You have underwear and/or pants.
The Ginger: No, I don't. They are right there (pointing to a dirty clothes basket in the hallway), where I put them 2 days ago. And they still aren't clean.
Me: It wasn't two days ago, and I told you on Sunday to bring me your clothes for the week. Wednesday is not Sunday.
The Ginger: But I need clean underwear, and you haven't done my laundry.
Me: And I don't have to do your laundry, with that attitude. Sunday is laundry day. You told me you didn't need clothes washed, so I took your word for it.
The Ginger: URRRRGHHHH...

And he turned around and made little wet foot steps back down the hallway and up the stairs.

Some of you may find this conversation between my child and I less than desirable. I might come across to some as a lazy mom who doesn't do her children's laundry. To others, you might see me as an emotionless, rule-abiding authoritarian type. And to others, I know you are thinking that a swift light smack to the mouth is exactly what my son needed to cure his attitude.

I see this story as a prime example of a few things:

Couponing, Tatted Mom Style

There seems to be an endless cycle repeating itself in my life every few months for the last year or so:

• Finances are great, so I relax on the couponing.
• Something pops up (whether it's an unexpected bill, Hubby's comic book ebay habit, or an event like vacation or back-to-school) to where I need to extreme coupon to have what we need
• I get addicted to getting things for free or nearly free until the next payday
• The next payday comes, money evens out, extreme couponing relaxes
• Wash, rinse, repeat cycle

The thing is, I have no idea why I stop couponing when money is fine in our house, because when I do the couponing thing, I even shock myself sometimes. 

$5.27 total for everything you see here

Take this recent trip for example. I had pieced together a deal on the pizza and ice cream that should have come out to $6 for those 4 items. I had free coupons for the yogurt, spinach and handsoap, but when you add on the milk, eggs and soda, my total should have been right around $11, with tax included. When the cashier announced my total of $5.27, I was shocked. As I stood there confused and handed the cashier exactly $5.27, she sensed my hesitation and began looking over the receipt herself, to see if there was an error somewhere. She accepted the money, handed me my receipt, and I told the kids to haul ass out of the store before they realized I had just (excuse the term, but it's what I use to describe my style of couponing) coupon raped them. Come to find out, I had a coupon on my grocery store card for $5 off of a $20 purchase that they accepted, taking my $11 estimate down to $5 and some change. 

You would think, with savings like that, and the rush you get walking out of a store having paid next to nothing for groceries, that I would do this all of the time. What if I told you that wasn't even the best deal I got last week?

• A loaf of bread, 4 pack of yogurt, large container of liquid coffee creamer, toothpaste and a bottle of shampoo (the $5 stuff) for $3.72 total.
• The kids and I took a trip to Target at 8:30 at night for 2 bottles of men's body wash, 2 women's

Just a Few Spots Left!

I want to extend a HUGE thanks to everyone who has submitted stories and tips for my upcoming book. I have gotten some great additions, and only have a few specific topics left that need your help!

~ Baby sleeping/ Lack of sleep for mom and dad
~ Toddler temper tantrums
~ Picky eaters
~ ADHD/ medicating children/ natural ways to help kids with their mood swings
~ Catching a child in a lie
~ Tween/teen peer pressure

If you have a funny (and positive) story or tip that has worked for you in one of these subject areas, then have it included in my upcoming book! Email me your submission at everchangingmoon81@gmail.com, and if I choose to include your submission in my book, you will get a FREE COPY of my book as a THANK YOU!!

I'm asking that all submissions are in by July 31st, and be sure to include how you would like to be credited. If you are a mom blogger, include the URL of your blog!

Keep in mind that my book is not an anthology. It is a nonfiction book on parenting outside of the box, but includes short, funny stories and tips from moms. People submitting stories and tips will not be credited as an author, but your story or tip will be credited to you inside the book.

Now comes the legal stuff. By commenting below or submitting a story via email to me, you are waiving your rights to this story, and are giving me permission to make necessary edits to the story and reprint it in my upcoming book. Not all submissions will be included in the book, but the submissions that are included were volunteered, and no monetary compensation was given, or will be given, for the submission, even after the book has been printed and is selling. If you would like to remain anonymous, then please include a nickname with your submission, otherwise your submission will be credited with just your first name in the book. I promise to not reprint any email addresses or full identities of people sending stories. I do ask that your story is original and has never been submitted to a printed book before (previous blog posts from your personal site are fine). A free copy of my book, once published, will be offered to anyone who submits a story that I include in the book.

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Tatted Mom's Guide to Naming Your Baby

What's in a child's name? How about everything? My parents wanted to name me 'Jennifer Renee' before I was born. Somewhere along the line that got vetoed, and I became 'Morgan Cameron'. No offense out there to any Jennifers or Renees, but I fully believe that I was meant to be a Morgan, and that I'm the unique, spunky, crazy, psycho quirky person I am because I had a very strange name growing up. Morgan is quite common nowadays, but it wasn't always so.

Naming your child is the first really important decision you have to make as a brand new parent, and you wouldn't believe the number of parents who screw that decision up.

Did you know that there is a child out there named Urhines? It's pronounced 'Your Highness'. As if that isn't enough, the child's full name is Urhines Kendall Icy Eight Special K- that last part is the name of an illegal drug. Yeah.

Celebrities seem to be the biggest offenders nowadays. Jason Lee has his son, Pilot Inspektor, Beyonce has her daughter Blue Ivy, and while y'all know I absolutely love Norman Reedus, he named his son Mingus Lucien- a bit bizarre, even for me. As bad as it sounds, celebrities can get away with it more than the average person. No one is going to pick on Apple because Gwyneth Paltrow is her mom, but try naming a middle-class average kid 'Apple' and the teasing would be merciless.

If you are pregnant with a child now and are having problems trying to name him or her, I have some really easy things to keep in mind when making that extremely important first decision as a parent. It is a decision that your child will live with for the rest of their lives. And if you aren't expecting, this article is still full of my unique sense of humor.

1. Don't spell it exactly the way it sounds. I'm all about unique names, and unique names with under-used letters of the alphabet are even better. Xavier is a prime example of this. Cool name... unless it's spelled Ecksavier. Don't do that. Spell it correctly or don't spell it at all. Good grief.

2. Don't make s*it up. I seriously saw the name 'Crustasia' on a baby name forum one time. I'm sorry, but that sounds like something left at the bottom of a Chinese food to-go container. Poor child.

3. Don't go cultural if it doesn't suit you. Traditional Irish names, African names and Hebrew names (just

Tatted Mom's Exercise Routine

I decided to start an exercise routine this week. It is the kids' first full week of school, Hubby is working during the day, and I have approximately 5 1/2 hours a day to myself. I figured 30 minutes of that would be beneficially spent exercising.

What I should have done, was post my intentions here on Inklings on Sunday night, so you all could talk me out of it. I have been in so much pain the last 2 days, it's not funny. The lunges and squats I did on Day 1 of my exercise routine have rendered my legs pretty useless. I'm thinking now of just covering myself in fake blood and growling so people think my slow, awkward, dragging-my-legs walk I have going on is because I'm a zombie.

It made me think about all of the times in my past that I started an exercise routine, and what happened to all of those times. I'm hoping this time is different, but only time will tell as to whether or not history repeats itself.

Tatted Mom's Exercise Routine

1. Wake up Monday morning ready to go, excited to be finally getting off my ass, and motivated to do whatever it takes to get my 18 year old body back. I've decided that because I'm working out and I'm going to eat healthy, I can reach my goal weight loss of 20 pounds in one month. I understand that it's not recommended to lose more than 2 pounds a week, but how hard can 5 pounds a week really be? I go ahead and weigh myself, so I have a starting point, and as I look at the number on the scale, I vow that this is the last time I ever see that number on the scale. From this point on, the numbers will get lower and lower.
2. I get dressed into my workout clothes, lace up my tennis shoes, and pop in a 30 minute workout video, because that's all I need each day to be able to lose 5 pounds a week, right? I have a towel for when I sweat, and a bottle of water next to me, ready to go. I'm pumped, still motivated, and very excited as I hit 'play' on the DVD.
3. Getting through the warm up is easy as pie. Man, I'm going to be hott in one month. Hell, I'm rocking this workout so much, that I'm sure I'll look like a supermodel after a week.
4. 9 minutes into the workout video, I'm sweating bullets and ready to die.
5. 11 minutes into the workout video, the instructor finally mentions that if you aren't able to keep up with the video, it's okay, and to just march in place until you get your breath back and can join back in.
6. 12 minutes into the workout video, I take the instructor's advice, start walking in place and grab my bottle of water.
7. 14 minutes into the workout video, I attempt to jump right back into the routine. Apparently during my break they switched to the super hard workout that only Olympic athletes can complete.
8. 15 minutes into the workout video, I'm screaming, 'Eff that. Real people can't do that move. Of

Tatted Mom's Guide to Living on a Budget

I've never lived a lavish life. Even when I was at the height of tattooing, I could pull down maybe $1000 in one weekend, I'd always turn around and either stock the house with food, or buy the kids much needed clothes, or pay the bills for the entire month. I wouldn't say I'm bad with money, but I'd be lying if I said I had a savings account with even a dime in it.

So budgeting has always been a part of my life. Sometimes the budget has allowed for 'fun money', sometimes the kids and I have been forced to use our imaginations when it comes to fun activities, because that's all we could afford until the next payday.

Right now we're in the 'can only afford imaginations' section of life, because of the move here. The moving company we chose were scheisters (I will be doing a review post on them here soon to warn other people), and we ended up having to pay twice what they quoted us to get my stuff back. There is a light at the end of the tunnel for us financially and then we're back to saving money and living life a little more. I can't wait.

In the meantime, though, I wanted to pass on some budgeting tips, Tatted Mom Style, of course. (For newbies to the site, whenever you see a 'Tatted Mom Style' or 'Tatted Mom's Guide' post, you're in for an upside down view of how I see things. Yes, the tips are helpful, but there are some crazy ones thrown in, because I don't see the world the way others do.) These tips are great if you have an unexpected expense that throws your finances in a whirlwind for a short period of time, or if you need to re-train yourself with money and need a longer term solution.

1. If you've never had to budget before, use The Envelope System to start. It's the best way to get a visual representation of money. Get a box of envelopes, and mark each envelope with a separate bill name: 'Rent', 'Electricity', 'Cable', 'Food', 'Gas', etc. When you get paid, remove most of your money from your account (keep in any money that used to automatically pay bills or bills that you pay online) in cash, and divide it into the various envelopes. When the money in the envelopes is gone, that's it. It keeps you majorly in check with paying for food, or entertainment, and is a great training tool. Personally, I don't use The Envelope System anymore, but I've had to do it numerous times over the years to get my brain back into budgeting mode.
2. Just say no. I understand 'no' is negative and causes crappy feelings, but when you are budgeting, 'no' is your best friend. Tell yourself no, tell the kids no, tell Hubby no, when it comes to buying things. If you get into the mindset that you are broke, and can't buy anything, then it makes budgeting a hell of a lot easier. The funny thing is, if your financial situation is only temporary, it's hard to re-train your brain to say 'yes' again when it comes to buying things. That's not a bad thing, necessarily. It keeps you from buying things you really don't need, even if you have the money to do so. Your mindset is probably the most important tool you have when it comes to budgeting.
3. Over-estimate expenses and under-estimate income. When you find a budget worksheet to

Tatted Mom's Guide to Normal Kids

Someone please help me with my online mom's group addiction.

No, wait, don't help me. I'm getting great ideas for posts because of these women.

I'm even at a loss of an intro today, I've been banging my head against the wall so much because of the questions I see asked by other moms. So, we're just going to jump right into it.

Here's the first 10 pointers of Tatted Mom's Guide to Normal Kids. Print it out, carry it with you if you are one of those that is in a constant state of worry about whether your kids are normal.

Normal: Your kid, at whatever age, likes tattoos. They like to cover themselves in fake tattoos, draw on themselves, look at strangers' tattoos, at your own tattoos, it's all normal. Kids like pretty pictures, and if they can have pretty pictures on their bodies, they'll do it.
Not Normal: Your kid, who likes tattoos, is going around licking strangers' tattoos. I'd stop them from doing that, especially if it's a new tattoo. If a kid under the age of 14 is drawing penises on their arms, then that borders on abnormal. Over 14, completely normal.

Normal: Your 6 week old doesn't sleep through the night.
Not Normal: Your 6 week old is sitting on the couch next to you at midnight, commenting on Jay Leno's choice of guests for the evening.

Normal: Your little boy (or girl) goes through a phase where they only want to eat cereal for meals.
Not Normal: Your little boy (or girl) goes through a phase where they only want to drink white russians for meals.

Normal: Your kids run off with things in the house, and then forget where they left them.

Tatted Mom's Guide to Sex Education for Teenagers

No one has ever accused me of being ordinary. For those that follow Inklings pretty regularly, you know I don't do anything in a conventional manner, and my approaches to certain parenting issues can be somewhat... messed up crazy creative.

Today's vlog post is no exception.

I've been thinking about this post since I first did a vlog post a few weeks ago. Somewhere in today's '16 and Pregnant' and 'Teen Mom' tv shows, sex education has been lost. It's time to gain that back.

Keep in mind that this post could be deemed quite controversial, quite outspoken, and in the least, good for a few laughs. But, it's what's needed in this day and age. If you are conservative, this isn't the post for you.

I hope everyone enjoys, and will share with other open-minded parents and adults, too. If nothing else, it should be a wake up call that an extreme measure needs to be taken, for our youth, and be taken quickly, because nothing else seems to be working.




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Tatted Mom's Mom Tips #1

For some reason, when people find out I have a parenting/mom blog, I start getting asked questions... like I'm an expert or something. Hell, I even got asked to join some website made up of a panel of experts, to be a member on their panel, and hand out advice to other parents in need. Whoa.

Yep, I'm an expert... an expert at being a smart ass, of making just about any situation humorous, and of having a crazy ass life. Those, I'm an expert at. Parenting? I don't think anyone is an expert at parenting, but if there was anyone who was close to it, it would be that lady on the TV show with like 19 kids. So far, none of her kids have ended up in jail or on drugs, so, her statistics are pretty good. Go ask her if it's better to use a pacifier or not use a pacifier with your newborn.

There are some things I've learned in my time, that, if I'm asked, I'll share.

I haven't been asked this time, but dammit, I'm sharing. Just random Mom Tips from me.

• Keep your car stocked. I don't care if you never go on road trips. Keep a bag in your car with some food that won't really go bad (granola bars or fruit snacks), a blanket, maybe a pillow, bandaids, wet wipes, napkins, paper and a pencil or colored pencils (crayons melt). If you want to be really prepared, throw in a shirt for you, and a change of clothes for the kids, but I've never gotten that far (and regretted it, seriously). Hell, I did use to carry a pair of flip flops and jeans in my car, too, but I think that was my subconscious run away bag. Anyway, all of this will come in handy, one day. I promise. And what's best is if you forget you have it, and then the kids are all, 'I'm Starrrrvinnnngggg,' like my kids do, and you remember you have it and shove granola bars at them. It's amazing how much respect they have for you at that one second.
• Don't feed your kids before after-school functions. Okay, I'm not talking about sports games or

Tatted Mom's Vocabulary Lesson #1

My circle of family and friends and I have our own language. Some of it consists of words or phrases we use so the kids around us have no idea what we are talking about, and some of it developed randomly but has a different definition to us than it does the rest of the world.

These are 7 actual terms used just about everyday in my life. Kinda scary when I started compiling this list, but there's no arguing this came from my household.

Baking Cookies- v. A term used in place of 'having sex' when the kids are in earshot of the conversation.
Example: "You are seriously being a bitch right now. When is the last time you baked cookies to relieve some stress?"
Caution: When using this term around kids, which is it's intention, they will indeed ask if there are cookies.

Opposites Homework, Tatted Mom Style

My son is in the 1st grade. Each week he is sent home a new list of words to learn and activities to do with those words. The activities are chosen at random, and this week, because he had chosen everything else on the activities list, he was stuck with coming up with opposites for each of his words.

Yeah, we picked a bad week to have left that assignment open. 

My sister sat down with him last night and realized that doing his homework assignment was impossible with this week's words. So, she decided to write a polite note to the teacher explaining why The Ginger couldn't do his homework this week and how many of the words of the week did not have opposites.

Challenge accepted!

If something doesn't make sense at first (like the opposite of 'cherries' is a slut), then just warp your brain to think like mine- you'll get it.

Of course, the slips of paper on the left of each column are The Ginger's words. The right side of each column are my opposites.

And no, I didn't send this to school with him...

But I'm contemplating emailing the link to his teacher so she can have a laugh.

Or call social services...

Click on the picture to make it original size, to get the full benefit of my warped mind.

Tatted Mom's Guide to Catching a Child Liar

"Mom! Um, my brother just said a bad word. He was trying to tell me a joke, then he said the 'F' word," is what my daughter came hauling into the living room to tell us yesterday. Hubby immediately called my son into the room, and his interrogation began. My son, of course, said that his sister was lying, and that she just wanted him to get into trouble. Thus the problem any parent eventually faces- catching the real liar.

My husband's method is simple. Stand his ground, ask the same question over and over again, and eventually pull out the 'If you tell the truth, I promise, you won't get in trouble.' Wait, deja-vu...

I was 16. I had my own car, and a job at the local grocery store to pay for said car. And, I was a smoker. (Gasp, I know.) I used to hide my cigarettes from my parents in between the seats in my car, but for some reason one day, after picking up a friend of mine for school, and driving around having our final nicotine fit before the grueling 7 hours of school, I decided to put the pack in the glove compartment. Apparently, that same day, my new insurance card came in the mail, and my dad, being a good samaritan, decided to drive up to the school, and just put the new insurance card in my glove compartment for me while I was in class, because I had to leave school that day and head straight to work. Yeah, you know where this is going....