Quick Rantings of a New(ish) Stay at Home Mom

Since starting Inklings, I've been through a roller coaster of a life. When I (first) found myself newly singled, I wrote an update, Quick Rantings of a New Single Mom, to let everyone know I was alive, and, well, not perfect (I lost The Ginger in an airport). Then, when I found myself (again) newly singled after yet another curve ball of life a little while later, I posted, well, Quick Rantings of a New Single Mom... Part 2 (catchy title, huh?), to let everyone know that I was getting back into blogging, and that I was still not perfect (I lost The Ginger in a gas station, that time).

In keeping with tradition, here it is, though not within in the first few days of becoming a stay at home mom again. Guess it's because I didn't lose The Ginger anywhere.

In my first week of being a stay at home mom, I successfully:

1. Spent 24 hours of the first 48 hours here sick as a dog, nausea, vomiting, the whole 9 yards. In the midst of stumbling back from one of my (many) bathroom trips in that 24 hours, I stubbed my pinky toe on the coffee table and broke it. So, that led to me hobbling around on my first day of recovery. The day after that I hit a major bought of vertigo and ended up sleeping for pretty much the entire evening because any time I attempted to stand up, the room spun like I had been drinking vodka all day, and I didn't want to risk breaking another toe. The day after that I woke up with stabbing pains in my abdominal region, which I suffered through in the name of Target and a Mocha Cookie Crumble Frappuccino from Starbucks. I'm heading to the doctor on Monday, don't worry, and so far today I've felt fine (fingers crossed, please don't jinx me).
2. Cooked 3 meals. Yep, only 3 meals in a week, and I'm a stay at home mom. Don't judge me, read #1 right there. 
3. Banished my kids to opposite sides of the apartment for about 30 minutes on my day of recovery

My Biggest Parenting Pet Peeve Ever

I'm a people watcher. I always have been, and I absolutely love it. You can learn so much about people by just sitting back and watching them, how they interact, their mannerisms, etc.

In a non-stalker way, thank you. I have no restraining orders... yet.

I took the kids to the pool last night, and while they enjoyed the pool fun, I sat on the sidelines with a book and relaxed. I quickly found that the book was a decoy for the people watching that was about to go down. There was only one family at the pool with us, but between trying to figure out the dynamics of the family and just simply watching their curious ways, an hour had quickly gone by, and I had enough ammo data for today's post. This family preyed on the biggest pet peeve I have of parenting- the biggest.

The dynamics (I think), were an older mother with her daughter, who had just had a baby maybe about 3 months ago. The little 3 month old was there, and then a 2 year old boy, who, to be entirely honest, I'm not quite sure whose kid he was- the grandmother or the mother (as he kept calling the younger woman 'Sissy'). This little boy was about 2, and like most 2 year olds, an absolute hellion... but to the extreme, which in my opinion, was directly due to the parenting I was watching.

The 2 year old was in the pool with a life jacket on (surprising based on what else I saw), and had one of those squirty water toys that you fill with water, push the plunger down and water shoots out. He was shooting his sister/mom (like I said, not sure what the hell was going on- the younger woman) with the water shooter, and also shooting it into the empty parts of the pool... also known as... being a 2 year old.

That's when it started- my biggest parenting pet peeve ever.


The little boy shot the water in the direction of the older woman, who was holding the 3 month old.

"Billy Bob (not his name, but we're going with it for the post) you better stop doing that or we are getting out of this pool and you are going to your room!"


The little hellion laughs and does it again.

"Billy Bob, I told you to cut that out. If you do it again, you're going to your room."


The little boy thinks about it for a second, swims to a different spot, fills up his shooter toy, and does it again.

"Billy Bob, STOP IT! If you do that one more time, you're going to your room."


Hold up, didn't they just tell him that? Didn't they tell him if he did it one more time he was going to his room, so he swam a little further away from them and did it again? Shouldn't he be going to his room right now?

The younger woman swam over to Billy Bob and said, "Billy Bob, that's it. Give me the toy" and she

Top 6 Reasons for No Questions Asked, Immediate Divorce (He Said/ She Said Style)

I married 'til death do us part'. I understand that being separated for the last almost 4 years may have some people thinking differently, but we're back together now, so that's the part everyone needs to focus on, okay? And the two of us have decided that we are never going through what we did the last 4 years ever again, so it will have to come down to 'til death do us part' if either one of us wants out of this marriage.

At least, I thought that until last night.

Courtesy of Best Normal Rockwell Art

Hubby did something that got me thinking. There should be some things that, if done, are automatic grounds for divorce in any state, any court of law, and in record time. They are unacceptable and shouldn't be tolerated just for the sake of marriage.

When I brought it to Hubby's attention, he decided he had his own list of things. So today Inklingers, is a special day. Today the post has been co-written by Hubby and I. You're getting some He Said/She Said ish here today, battle of the sexes, views from both standpoints. I'm even allowing rebuttals from the spouse after each reason for divorce; a way to redeem themselves or plead their case before the papers are drawn up.

So here it is, ladies first of course.

Top 3 Reasons for No Questions Asked, Immediate Divorce (Tatted Mom Style) (Hubby's rebuttal in italics.)

1. Inserting Finger into My Mouth While I'm Yawning. This is what Hubby did last night that got me thinking. The first yawn he ruined, fine. Cute, funny, we laughed. Then he turned around and did it again, when the rebound yawn came around. Not cool, Hubby, not cool. Then, with 2 yawns now ruined, and the second rebound yawn coming, he did it a third time. He laughed, I thought about grabbing a knife. When the third rebound yawn started coming on, I threw a temper tantrum and told him to leave the room so I could effing yawn. He laughed. I painfully yawned because I wasn't sure if he was going to figure out a way to stick his finger in my mouth and ruin that one. Grounds for divorce, immediately. In my defense, she's always yawning, and that shit's funny.
2. Dutch Ovens. Please tell me I don't have to explain these to you all... Okay, fine, I will. We're laying

Sickness Demons, Be Gone!

I'm so glad I have older kids. I want to start by saying that.

I just spent the last 24 hours of my life the sickest I have been since my kids were born. (They are 10 and 7 now, for some reference.)

No idea where it came from, no one else got sick, but late Sunday night it started. I was nauseous as hell, spent a good few hours in the bathroom (use your imagination). I ended up stumbling to bed, curling up in the fetal position, and passed out. Woke up bright and early at 5:30 Monday morning with my stomach killing me again, which is when the vomiting started. Yeah, baked chicken, roasted garlic potatoes and fresh green beans- not so good on the way back up. The vomiting didn't end until 5:30 that night, when I just laid on the couch, comatose, until I broke out in a sweat at about 8pm and started to feel a little better. Mind you- a little. Being able to sit up and talk type of better didn't come until Hubby woke me up when he came home from work, and I had been passed out for an hour and a half. That's when I was finally able to eat a bowl of chicken soup, and keep it down... well, so far. It's been 7 hours; we'll see how it goes.

Wow, boring post so far, huh? Tatted Mom's just telling us about her being sick. Nah, the sickness didn't kill the random crazy of me, I promise. I'm going to fill y'all in on what to do and what not to do when you are sick. Keep in mind that these only work if you have older kids. For sick moms with younger kids who have to be taken care of, my sympathies go out to you; I've been there, done that too, and it sucked.

What to Do When You Are Sick:

• Make everyone wait on you hand and foot. Seriously, now is the time to get payback for all of the puke you've cleaned up over the years, the dirty clothes you've had to pre-treat because the kid with the diarrhea couldn't make it to the bathroom in time, and the Hubby who turns into a 5 year old when he had a simple sinus infection. Now, I did happen to be the sickest I can remember since my kids have been born, and I let everyone know it. I didn't bark orders or become a raging bitch, but I did announce every stomach pain in a close-to-death strained voice. My daughter got me ginger ale, my son cleaned up his legos the first time I told him to. It was amazing.
• Keep everyone in the house updated on your status. It got to the point yesterday that whenever I came out of the bathroom, the kids stopped what they were doing, looked at me and said, 'Mom, did you throw up again?' My son was keeping tally for me. The last time I exited before passing out, my

I'm a Threat (According to Airport Security)

We made it. Finally in Arizona, and now trying to get things to 'normal' around here (seriously, what is this normal thing and why is it so necessary). We had some rough spots in the whole trying-to-get-here process, like the shady movers, the car guy, how my computer refuses to let me blog (once we got here) and how the cats don't want to play nice, which I will of course expand upon in future posts. But today, Inklingers, I want to cover the actual getting here (go ahead and put your Tatted Mom's Ranting seat belts on now, 'cause it's coming).

We chose to fly from a larger airport about 3 hours from where we lived in an effort to save about $300. That meant leaving early, with 2 kids and 2 cats, and having my dad drive us up there. Silly me, I didn't even bother to check the weather for the day, but apparently it was calling for storms... nasty ones... one of which we hit on the drive. Of course The Girl, who worries about everything, is freaking out about flying in a storm. The storm cleared, she calmed down, all was good... Yeah, think that if you want.

Check in at the airport went remarkably smooth, even with 2 cats. They didn't even check the health certificates I paid $90 for, which pissed me off. If I paid $90 for 2 pieces of paper saying my cats didn't have rabies or the zombie virus, then damnit, you better want to see them. Dad had an emotional goodbye with us, and left us at the security check point... me, 2 kids, 2 cats, 2 book bags, a laptop, and a purse. Please keep that in mind for the next part of this story...

courtesy of blog.tsa.gov

I approached the podium, boarding passes in hand.

Airport Employee: Ma'am, I need your ID.
Me: Shit, okay, hold on one sec, I left it in my purse. Sorry. (I put down the cat, put down my purse, and started rummaging through it, found my ID, and handed it to him.)
Second Airport Employee: Ma'am, I'm going to need to see the palms of your hands for a minute, please.
Me: Huh?
2nd: Please put the palms of your hands up.
Me: (Making the High 5 motion)
2nd: (laughs) No, ma'am, face up, like this (he puts his hands out like my kids do when they want a piece of whatever I'm eating).
Me: Okay (putting hands palms up), but why?

Airports and Randomness

Currently sitting at the airport, ready to board. One question comes to mind...

If you were to randomly choose someone to search for explosives or explosive residue, why in the hell choose a woman travelling with 2 kids AND 2 cats?? I understand it's random, buts sheesh, really?

I'm so excited right now, but also dreading the flight. I hate flying. The kids are doing well so far, as are the cats. Me? I wish I had a valium...

Here's to seeing y'all on the other side...

Mildewed Legos and Pure Exhaustion

Y'all know I love y'all right? Every person that ventures onto my blog, and especially those that choose to return on a regular basis, I'm thankful for each of you all (though I do have more love for those who stalk me than those who are just googling weird ass crap like 'denture fetish' and end up here).

So, I hope that y'all know I'm not ignoring Inklings, and I haven't abandoned it.

The move is at the end of the week, movers will be here tomorrow, and I'm purely exhausted. In between packing, cleaning, sorting, etc, I manage to jump on my mom groups for a second (it's an addiction I can't stop right now... it's my daily dose of drama that I'm not in, but can sit back and laugh my ass off at it), and pass out for an hour or so nap to recharge my battery.

I'm seriously heading to the doctor when I get to Arizona. I know I'm under stress, but I'm 99% sure I've got hypothyroidism. We'll see in a few weeks.

So, know that I love y'all, that if I do jump online real quick to post some craziness or do an update, it's on the Inklings facebook page. (We have over 400 people over there now- Inklings is growing!!)

It's funny, though. When I get an idea for a blog post, I do manage to pull up my computer, type a few words to get the idea out of my head, hit 'save' and then keep on with whatever I was doing. So, when things calm down, and this move is behind me, I do have some hella good posts planned.

Keep voting daily please, if you don't mind, even if there isn't a blog post. If we fall out of the top 25 because I was moving, I'll be a sad turtle.

I'll leave y'all with a quick few Tatted Mom tidbits to ponder...

Fun Game to Play with School Aged Kids: While they are watching TV or playing video games, stick your finger in their ear and say, 'Hey, there's something in your ear.' When they reply 'What?', yell out, 'My FINGER!!' It's amusing.

Appropriate Answer to Any Question Nowadays: Zombies. 'What does this weird rash look like?' 'Zombie bite'. 'Why is my kid acting weird?' 'Bitten by a zombie.'

What does a bucket of mildewed Legos, bleach, a bathtub, a colander, towels, and New Kids on the Block bed sheets all have in common? An hour of my life on a Monday night that led to my lower back giving out, that's what. But hey, now the Legos that were all funky are now clean and sanitized (and dried out so this doesn't happen again.)

Guess what's happening to me in 3 days? I get laid!!! Maybe I'll quit being such a bitch then, huh? Ha! I now, that's a good joke...



If you enjoy Inklings, please take a second to just click the banner below. Each click = 1 vote, and you can vote once per 24 hours. I do happy dances when people vote!

Tatted Mom's Guide to Normal Kids

Someone please help me with my online mom's group addiction.

No, wait, don't help me. I'm getting great ideas for posts because of these women.

I'm even at a loss of an intro today, I've been banging my head against the wall so much because of the questions I see asked by other moms. So, we're just going to jump right into it.

Here's the first 10 pointers of Tatted Mom's Guide to Normal Kids. Print it out, carry it with you if you are one of those that is in a constant state of worry about whether your kids are normal.

Normal: Your kid, at whatever age, likes tattoos. They like to cover themselves in fake tattoos, draw on themselves, look at strangers' tattoos, at your own tattoos, it's all normal. Kids like pretty pictures, and if they can have pretty pictures on their bodies, they'll do it.
Not Normal: Your kid, who likes tattoos, is going around licking strangers' tattoos. I'd stop them from doing that, especially if it's a new tattoo. If a kid under the age of 14 is drawing penises on their arms, then that borders on abnormal. Over 14, completely normal.

Normal: Your 6 week old doesn't sleep through the night.
Not Normal: Your 6 week old is sitting on the couch next to you at midnight, commenting on Jay Leno's choice of guests for the evening.

Normal: Your little boy (or girl) goes through a phase where they only want to eat cereal for meals.
Not Normal: Your little boy (or girl) goes through a phase where they only want to drink white russians for meals.

Normal: Your kids run off with things in the house, and then forget where they left them.

What Online Mom Groups Have Taught Me

I joined one of those online mom group forum thingies (yes, that's the technical term) a few days ago, and I've been addicted.

Courtesy of thebadmomsclub.com

As a quick plug, I joined Cafe Mom.

When I joined, I jumped in headfirst (like I do with everything). I immediately joined 5 groups or so, did intro posts, answered posts that I could, asked questions, completely immersed myself in that website. Most of the groups have a 'do not share outside of the group' policy, but I figure this post does not break that rule because 1) I'm not naming the groups or members individually, and 2) I'm not giving details about what has occurred in such groups.

With the mini-disclaimer out of the way, now I can get into the Tatted Mom stuff.

What Online Mom Groups Have Taught Me:

1. I'm a Mommy genius. Okay, okay, let's back that down a little. Maybe not a genius, but I realized that I could answer 85% of the questions other moms asked. Did I do it? Nope. But, I could have. I'm not saying I have all the answers to Mommy questions out there, but it took joining an online mom forum for me to realize that I'm a pretty knowledgeable mom. Maybe it's because my kids are older, so I've been through all of the baby/toddler/young kids stuff, or maybe it's just because I joined easy groups. (I'm thinking it's the latter.) I of course didn't join any groups for moms of teenagers, because then I would have been outside of my realm of knowledge. For the groups I joined, I sit back and feel great about how far I've come as a mom, and how I actually do have info to help other moms.
2. I'm not a trifling bitch. That one needs explanation, huh? I joined a bitchy moms group. Why?

Giving the Aliens What They Like (aka My Philosophy on Life)

I was driving home from taking the kids to buy their teachers end of the year gifts, and KC & The Sunshine Band's 'Shake Shake Shake' song came on the radio. I immediately turned up the radio, and started singing (what few words I knew besides 'Shake shake shake, shake your booty'), and doing some (careful) dance moves while driving. I figured the kids were behind me, giggling at the use of the word 'booty' in a song, and by the second chorus would be singing along with me (it's so damn catchy).

I turned around, and they both are staring at me, mortified. Actually, The Girl was staring out her window, and when I asked her what was wrong, she acted like she didn't know me. 29 1/2 hours of labor, she better freaking know who I am...

So I turned the music down and sincerely asked what was wrong.

"This song is stupid" was The Girl's answer. I was shocked at first.

Me: So, it wasn't my dancing and singing while driving?
The Girl: Nope. That's just you. The song is stupid. I don't like it.
Me: Oh, come on, it's a classic. I bet if Katy Perry remade this song, you'd like it then, wouldn't you?
The Girl: That would be awesome.

I proceeded to turn the music back up and beg the kids to sing along with me. Finally, by the last bit of the song, they obliged and sang along with me.

I was ecstatic on so many levels. Yes, I had just gotten my kids to sing a song that was made before I was even born. Yes, I had just had a bonding moment with my kids. Yes, I had lightened up a boring car ride. Honestly, none of those were the high point.

My kids finally 'got' me. 


My daughter had answered, 'Nope, That's just you' when I asked if my zaniness bothered her. True, I just lost a bargaining chip every mother should have of being able to embarrass their kids whenever they want,

Smart Home? No, Thank You!

I swear to y'all I'm not an overly paranoid person. I don't vary my routine much, or my driving routes, just in case someone is following me. I don't subscribe to the theory that the government is always watching me. Do I think my kids will be kidnapped if they walk down the street? Yes, I do, but that's because I'm a paranoid Mom, but not a paranoid person in general.

Image Courtesy of walyou.com

This new home monitoring system by phone or internet craze that's going around scares the ever loving crap out of me, though.

I saw a commercial for a local one last night that runs through our cable provider. For an extra fee a month, you can use your phone to unlock doors at your house (in case the latch-key kid forgets her key, as the commercial so lovingly portrayed), set the temperature on your thermostat, turn lights on and off, and watch what your kids are doing via small cameras that are installed all over the house.

Does anyone else see anything wrong with this? It gives me those creepy horror movie chills and sends my red flags shooting up in every direction.

My mind goes absolutely crazy with stuff like this. What happens if a hacker gets into the system of the cable company, or whoever is providing your home monitoring system? They can unlock your doors and let anyone in, whether or not you are home.

What keeps a perv employee (like whoever installs your system) from sitting at home doing goodness knows what while watching you sleep?

What happens if you lose your phone, and some stranger has access to everything that you work so hard to protect?

All of these things run rampant through my head when I see one of these commercials. The families on TV

Effective Childproof Bottle for the 21st Century

Kids nowadays are too smart for their own good, and it means that us moms have to always be on our toes. What happened last night at my house really got me thinking about this. Keep in mind The Girl is 10 and The Ginger is 7 1/2.

The Girl asked if she could have one of their gummy vitamins. I told her yes, and to hand me the childproof bottle so I could open it.

The Girl: Let me try it, Mom. Please?

I thought about it for a second, remembered how much she struggled with a childproof cap about a month ago, and told her to go for it. It was a gummy vitamin, not a bottle of acid. She struggled and struggled, and then The Ginger spoke up:

The Ginger: Let me have it, I know how to open it.
My Sister (outraged): Um, you shouldn't know how to open it, it's a childproof bottle.
(The Girl is consumed with struggling to get this bottle open, and isn't paying attention.)
The Ginger: But I know how to get it open. Sissy, let me have it, please.
My Sister: Don't try and open the bottle. It's childproofed.
(I'm sitting back, with a smile on my face, watching all of this.)
The Ginger: Sissy, push down on the cap, then turn it.
(The Girl pushes down on the top, turns it, and the bottle of gummy bear vitamins magically opens. My sister is appalled.)
The Girl (beaming): Ha! You said I couldn't do it. Thanks, Ginger.
The Ginger: No problem. (looking at my sister) I told you I knew how to get it open.
My Sister: But it's childproofed!! He should not be able to get that open!

My reply?

Me: He knows how to beat 87 levels of Legend of Zelda... I think he's fully capable of figuring out a childproof bottle cap.

What? It's the damn truth. Do I worry that my kids now know how to open a childproof bottle cap? Nope. They have been taught what they aren't allowed to touch and that I'm the only one who can give them

What Celebs Have Taught Me About a Size 6

I'm a rag mag reader. Yep, I am. I picked up one today that caught my attention because it had Kelly Clarkson and Khloe Kardashian on the front, and supposedly their weight loss secrets were on the inside.

I was curious. Don't judge me.

I read that Khloe Kardashian is claiming to be a size 6. Okay, that number seems to be very popular with celebrities when they lose weight. They all end up at a size 6, don't they? Seems to ring bells all over the place, doesn't it? That got me thinking...

What is a size 6 nowadays? According to Buzzle.com, a standard size 6, depending on height of woman, contains a bust size of anywhere from 28.5"-35", a waist size of 22.5"-27" and a hip size of 31.5"-37". A lot of leeway off of a difference of a few inches in height. From my personal experience with clothing sizes, I'd say Buzzle.com is spot on.

So then how in the hell do celebrities get away with all saying they are a size 6? They all can't be a damn size 6, can they?

Let's play a little pictorial game of Truth or Fail. Below are what various celebrities say is a size 6, and I'll give you my opinion as to whether it's a true size 6 or they are having their clothes specially labeled to say size 6. Man, this is going to be FUN!

Image and stats courtesy of Skinny Vs. Curvy

This isn't the rag mag I bought today, but this is when Khloe Kardashian first came out and said she was now a size 6. She still has an ass on her. I'm not sure many size 6 jeans accommodate for a larger ass. Taking into account this picture has probably been photoshopped to make her look smaller, I'm inclined to say Fail on this one. But, because she's on the smaller size, I'll give her a TRUTH.

Image and Stats courtesy of BlackTopTens.com

Jennifer Hudson states that due to Weight Watchers, she went from a size 16 to a size 6. Her before

Sorry About Your Fetish, But I'm Glad You Found My Blog... Part 3

AHHHHH! Yep, I screamed. I LOVE this time... it's Sorry About Your Fetish, But I'm Glad You Found My Blog time!!! This started in February when I had someone google 'Ryan Gosling pissing' and found Inklings. I gave it about 2 months for the search results to build again, and in April was delighted to find 'denture fetish' as a search term that landed someone on Inklings.

It's been about 2 months, Inklingers, and the search terms just keep getting better with time! I'm just going to jump in, I'm so excited. For the newbies, I include the exact search term, then my reply to whoever searched for it, and keep in mind these are my favorites, and are in random order.

Like a hooker needs- Oh man, I LOVE this game. What is... an STD test? Rehab? A legitimate job? A better corner to stand on? A pimp? The possibilities are endless. The amazing thing about this search phrase, is it was searched 6 times and found Inklings. Awesome, right?

O face- This one made me giggle... but sorry, this isn't that kind of site.

Big butt vacuum- What in the hell is a big butt vacuum? Did they mean to search for liposuction to remove a big butt, or are they trying to figure out if they can hook their vacuum up to help them out with their big butt at home? This one blew my mind.


Blogging has become snobby- I know which story this one linked to, but I have to admit that I'm

10 Do-it-All Mom Tricks I Keep Up My Sleeve

A few days ago I did a fun blog game post, I Play Well With Others... See? One of the questions I
answered really got me thinking. M's question #6 was "How do you do it all?" My answer was simple; sleep deprivation and lots of coffee. But, is it really that simple?

Heck no, it's not.

I'm definitely no Super Mom. I strive to be (I've posted several times about my deep desire to be Super Mom and how unrealistic those goals many of us moms set on ourselves), and while I won't say that I fall short, I will say that I do the best I can, and so far I think I'm doing well. My kids aren't in juvenile detention centers or hooked on crack, so I count that as a win.

I will say though, that I've found I do a lot more than many moms do.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Before you busy moms go off on me, let me clarify. I am in no way saying that other moms aren't busy, or they don't do it all and that I do. I currently live in a posh area. I live in the apartments of a posh area, but still in a richy section, nonetheless. Most of the moms of kids at my kids' school don't have to work, and they spend their days getting manicures, pedicures, doing some grocery shopping and maybe straighten the house before the house keeper shows up. So, based on what is currently around me, I'm a damn busy mom, and do a heck of a lot more than these ladies do.

Now that we've cleared that all up, let's continue.

I am currently a working mom, though in 2 more weeks I will be a stay at home mom again. I can't wait. Even when I'm a stay at home mom, I'm still busy as all get out, because it's not in my nature to be lazy. The house is clean, the kids and I do crafts, we bake, I make nutritious dinners, laundry is kept up with, etc. Keep in mind I have a 10 year old and a 7 year old; if they were younger, it would be more difficult to keep on top of everything.

Being a working mom with a Hubby 2000 miles away and living with a sister who works, too, is rough. There are many days I have to do it all, and it just happens to be those days that there's a butt load of stuff to do (never works out any other way, does it?) So, it's these days that I wonder. I wonder how in the heck I did everything, and if there are any tips I can share with readers to help them, too.

I may just have a do-it-all trick or two, or 10, up my sleeve.

1. Multitask As Much As Possible. Don't go the extent of sending emails while driving, but if you can put two things together, then do it. Take my yesterday morning, for example. The cat had to be dropped off at 8 to be spayed, the kids had to be at school at 9, and my sister had a meeting to go to at 9. I got the kids up early, made sure they were dressed, and we dropped the cat off. I needed a few things from the grocery store, so we stopped at the grocery store next to the spay place, that has a cafe in it, and the kids got a nutritious breakfast while I picked up our few groceries. Headed home, got the kids to school (yes, they were a little late), got ready and headed to work myself. Not a perfect morning, but it beat heading to a fast food place for breakfast and trying to fit the grocery shopping into somewhere else in my busy day. 
2. Spirulina and a Multi-Vitamin. I was told about spirulina years ago when I was in college and a newlywed, by a naturopathologist who was giving me ways to get my nutrients and boost my energy. It's an algae compound full of nutrients, vitamins, amino acids and more. I took it all the time, and I was never tired. I discontinued it when I got pregnant and breastfed my daughter, just

5 Promises for Inklings

Every once in a while, we need a reminder of who we are, what we are supposed to be doing, and where we wanted to go when we started our journey. Lately, I've been in much need of that reminder. Not with my home life, or with the move, or even with the life-altering decision for Hubby and I to get back together... those are all easy for me at this moment. I needed a reminder about why I write; why I started Inklings in the first place.

So I figured the easiest way to do that was to go back to my very first post. I could post the link here, or, I can just post the whole thing here- it was 3 paragraphs long:

Chaos 101
"No one's life is perfect. Everyone on earth is searching for happiness, or for their place in this world. I'm no different. The past few years of my life have been spent in the pursuit of happiness, sometimes at the cost of those around me. I woke up one morning and said 'No more'. My life was the very definition of 'crazy', and 'stable' was no where in my vocabulary. So, I made changes, and to this day, I'm doing the only thing I know to do- try my best.


This blog is an outlet for me. No so much to vent or whine about what's not going right in my life. It's more to focus on the little things that make life meaningful, and to share those things with whoever ventures to my blog. Some days I will post about deep thought-provoking ideas or practices, and others about a funny link or interesting movie I saw, and other times a recipe or new home-making idea I've come across. That's life- random, chaotic, and you never know what will be waiting for you around the corner.


I can't promise to change the world with my blog, or to inspire life changes (hell, I'm still figuring out my life). I can promise entertainment, personality, some helpful hints or tips every now and then, spontaneity, and not the average 'pictures of my kids eating spaghetti, aren't they so cute?' type of blog (I'm not one for deep sharing of my personal life to the general masses). So, sit back, enjoy the ride, subscribe if you would like, and comment if something strikes you!"


I started Inklings on October 12, 2010. I started as a stay at home mom in Arizona, who, after having my world fall apart, moved my kids 2000 miles with me back to the east coast, did the single mom thing for a while, had my world fall apart, again, and even more quickly this time because of a douchebag, moved 400 miles north to where family was, did the single mom thing for a while (after having sworn off men altogether), and once I finally cleared my head and got back to who I was, and figured out what I wanted, began reconciling with Hubby, which has led me to an upcoming move back the 2000 miles to Arizona.

Good grief. It sucks to lay it all out like that.

Through it all, though, I wrote. Well, I went MIA from the blogosphere for the greater part of the time I was with the douchebag, but that's because of lack of internet access. As soon as I moved back home with family, I picked Inklings back up immediately... and basically had to start all over again, building a reader base and trying to figure out what direction I wanted to take.

I think for the most part I've stayed true to why I first started Inklings. I promised:

• Entertainment: I'd say teaching my readers the phrase 'sand in the vagina' counts as entertainment, or, telling stories about how I cussed out a bird. And, we can't forget the new vlog, where y'all get to see how random I am.

I Play Well With Others... See?

So, I've been tagged. M over at The M Half of the M -n- J Show hid behind a tree until I had put my guard down, then surprise slammed me with a blog game. It's been forever since I've done one of these, so in light of wanting a light post and for the influx of newbies lately, here it goes.

There are rules in this game, which are to give you all 11 facts about myself (I'll try not to duplicate any random ones from earlier), answer M's 11 questions, come up with 11 questions myself, and tag 11 other bloggers. Good grief. It'll be worth it, though, I promise. Y'all know I'm random... and may the heavens have mercy on the people I tag who decide to play along. My questions are... put it this way; they make me giggle.

Facts:

1. I watch documentaries, lots of them. I'm partial to food documentaries, supernatural ones and business ones. I'm not big on historical ones (unless there's mysticism behind it), political ones or biographical ones. My obsession of documentaries has caused me to start taking herbal supplements, drink smoothies everyday, believe that mermaids could be real, and never set foot in a WalMart again.
2. I have 27 tattoos... maybe 28. Honestly, I lost count, and I actually lose count while counting them. My favorite is a snake and apple on the back of my arm. My least favorite is a spider on my foot.
3. I fall asleep during 94% of movies I watch at home. Doesn't matter what type of movie it is, what time of day, or if I've never seen it before. 
4. I like Ryan Gosling. A lot.

Glamour Shots, Rainbows with Wine Glasses and Marky Mark

Guess what happens when your mom comes to visit and you go through a box that was in storage?

 The 80s and 90s come screaming out, that's what.

This post is a trip down memory lane for me, but I'm sure I'm not the only one who will recognize a few of these things from their past, too. Man, I'm showing my age today and letting some skeletons out of my closet. Sheesh, y'all better enjoy this.


Glamour Shots 

Man, look at those poof bangs!

Please tell me y'all remember Glamour Shots? A model-like photo shoot, complete with hair, makeup and outfit changes, all for the price of a non-genuine model shoot. Look at that amazing picture above. I call that my 'Contemplating the Meaning of Life' look. Believe it or not, I was only 12 or 13 in this picture. Talk about making it easy for pedophiles, right? I was shocked to find Glamour Shots is still in business in some areas... Wow!


90s Teeny Bopper Posters

Throwing Account Reps Under the Bus

Insurance companies make me want to go on a mass murdering spree. 13 years of dealing with the same insurance company and I never had a problem. I've had referrals to therapists, dermatologists, fertility specialists, back specialists, physical therapists and so much more in the last 13 years, and never even a hiccup in coverage or any problems of them not paying.

This year, they are making up for the other 12 years of flawlessness.

We all remember the problems I had trying to get a medical referral for The Ginger's oral surgery, right? If not, If This is a Medical Emergency, Please Hang Up and Dial 911 will cover that. That was back in February, and after numerous phone calls and me banging my head against the wall, all of that got sorted out and The Ginger had his surgery in April.

The problem I'm having right now dates back to September, and it's now gotten to the point (well, should have gotten there a long time ago, but I'm a pushover sometimes) where I'm going to call, demand a manager, and everyone I have dealt with about this matter is getting thrown so far under the bus that Satan won't be able to reach them to give them a helping hand. I'm that pissed. I'll explain.

September 24th we moved to Virginia. The Ginger (what is it with the insurance company giving me difficulties about The Ginger? Are they that against red heads?) needed a physical to start school. So, on

You Found WHAT at the Discount Surplus Store?

It's that time again, Inklingers... the time where I've run through a major chain store, taking pictures of random things that I found there, making fun of their inventory and doing the Happy Dance in their aisles if I hit the jackpot with an amazing item. Don't y'all want to go shopping with me? Sheesh.

'You Found WHAT at the Dollar Store' was deemed my 'comeback post'. I had been MIA from the blogosphere while I went through some life crap for a few months, and finally started to find my stride again with this post. Ever since that post, I've been on the look out for more amazing discounted products, so I can go ahead with round #2.

My local discount surplus store has finally given me the opportunity. As y'all know, I won't name the discount store. If you happen to see it's name on any price tags, then you are just an amazingly astute reader and I can't be held accountable for that. For the record, I love this store. I can fill up a cart and only spend $60, and the store has furniture, home decor items, personal items, grocery items and so much more. I love this place!

Keep in mind, these aren't dollar store items, so they cost more than $1. Doesn't make it any less awesome that I can get them at a discount surplus store. Enjoy the list of 12 things I've acquired this time; I'm sure there will be more posts in the future!


1. AZO PMS Pills

Feeling crabby? Not anymore!

For years, AZO has helped me stay away from the doctor when it comes to urinary tract infections and yeast infections, but now they are helping me with my PMS? Holy crap, hells yeah! All joking aside, I thought of buying these. The herbal blend in them is actually pretty amazing. I'm sure Hubby would have bought them for me had he been shopping with me that day. He would have bought the whole case.

2. Beaver Sweet Honey Mustard

'Cause everyone wants sweet beaver.

Yes, yes, and YES! Why? 2 reasons: Everyone needs to find their beaver at a discount store, and everyone wants a sweet beaver, right? Hey, I guess I shouldn't knock it. Beaver Honey Mustard has been around since 1929, so they must have the best beaver ever if people have been paying for it for almost 90 years.